Not Today.

All I can think about today is how grateful I am that a friend suggested that I join this challenge. I am from a broken home where encouragement and praise never existed, but I’m not going there today. 

I work at a job which deems me worthless and just another employee (which is a shame because it is a small company of less than 100 employees). And, no matter how much effort I give them, there is never any positive acknowledgement (join the club, right?). But, i’m not going there today.

I have lost many “friends” along the last four years because of political, racial injustice, Covid, and many other opinions and views. Many have stated that they miss the old, fun loving Josh. But, I’m not going to go there today.

Where I am going to take you today is down a path of gratefulness, mindfulness, humbleness, and humility.  

At every job I have ever had, I’ve always been told that my attitude sucks. And, admittedly, there have been times when that is true. But most of the time , that is what they deem you if you have the stones to question authority, no matter how minute the topic. I am a question machine. I question everything, and I can honestly say that I am so happy that that is instilled in me. I don’t blindly follow or adhere to anything.

That being said, the one thing I have not questioned is the unrelenting and copious amounts of love I have felt from those of you who have taken the time to share your words to validate my work, my stories, my efforts to entertain. I see all of you and even though we’ve never been formally introduced, I love you all. Validation is something I have been missing my whole life. It’s one of the reasons that no matter what I do, I never feel like I’m good enough, and who would have thought that I would have found validation to the contrary in this community. I sure as hell didn’t.

I know some of you have been assigned to me and others have just stumbled across my works. Regardless of which one, welcome inside my most prized possession, my psyche. It gets a little weird in here from time to time, but if you can manage to maneuver yourself around the decades of barley and hops and maybe even some leftover bongwater from my twenties, I think there are some really great things here. As a matter of fact, I know it. Also, just to serve as an FYI, I know my grammar needs work, so, I’ve dedicated my month of April to YouTube classes taught by a teacher friend of mine in Oregon and 93 page packet to go with. I’m a work in progress, and that is the best part.

So, for each and every one of your strokes on the keyboard, I am grateful for fulfilling a longing. A basic human needs to be appreciated and loved. I’ve said throughout Covid that the things I mist most are my nieces and nephews, pub trivia with friends that are family, and hugs. Well, you guys are the hugs I need to make it through this pandemic and beyond. The amount of joy I’ve experienced reading your comments has been cathartic. And, no matter how it plays out the rest of the way, I look forward to sharing my truths because you have instilled confidence in me when I couldn’t summon it on my own. I am grateful! 

Now, If you will excuse me, this 39 year old, old soul needs a snifter of Remy Martin and some Van Morrison – Into The Mystic.

One Love.

Joshua