It’s not your fault; It’s your obligation.

Let’s be clear; where I was born is nowhere near where I came to Life.

You’re going to realize quickly from my musings that I am a product of multiple traumatic events, and that is okay. It is not my fault that I grew up without love in a broken home. It’s not my fault that i Was sexually molested by my barber when I was seventeen and out of my fight or flight responses, both failed and I discovered a third response, freeze. It’s not my fault that I grew up with alcohol and drug abuse in my DNA. It’s not my fault that I have to take prescription medications daily, and probably for the rest of my life. None of these things have happened to me because of my actions. However, it’s my responsibility to face them, change them, and make the best of my situation. 

I often think back in a negative fashion about all the years that I wasted on a barstool or in a bathroom stall, self-medicating, with people I hardly knew or didn’t know at all. Or, what life might have been like if just one thing would have fell my way as a child. I have always heard that “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.”  Well, maybe that is true for some, but i’m convinced he was on vacation for a 18 year stint. And, the truth is, none of the above matters. What matters now is that I am aware of what ails me and I get to make a conscious choice everyday to stay put or move forward. I have to face all the things in my past, they are not going anywhere, even with the copious amounts of therapy I have endured. So, remain or evolve? 

I’m sure you have all seen those people or have those friends that live by the phrases, “no f*cks given” or “ I’m happy with who I am as a person.”  NOOOOOO. That is not acceptable! We were put on this earth to grow mentally, physically, spiritually. And, we were meant to all of it in love.

There is nothing in the world more frustrating than people who are so stuck in their beliefs, that they cannot listen to other people’s opinions, respectfully, and decipher the information presented, and then make an informed judgement or decision. This type of thought process is  the reason politicians never accomplish anything of real substance across the isles. That mind set is at the very foundation of racism. Learn from those who are different from you, you would be shocked to find out what you will discover. 

If you choose to remain, you will be faced with the same challenges, the same routines, and the same situations that make you uncomfortable, discouraged, or remissed is your self-worth.It’s not until you figure out how to love yourself enough to say no more… to walk the different path… to run into the unknown and realize that you have truly become free.

If you choose to evolve, you will still be faced with challenges, but these challenges will connect you with the strength that has been there all along, just below the surface. You’ll find magic outside of your comfort zone. You’ll find new connections and a new, aspiring outlook on life. But, most importantly, you’ll find love. A deeper love than you have ever known, because this is where you learn to fall in love with yourself first. And that’s where you come to life.

In Loving memory of Bunny Wailer, the iconic reggae singer. 

One Love.

Joshua

8 thoughts on “It’s not your fault; It’s your obligation.

  1. So many profound and powerful thoughts here. I admire your strength and how you are facing life’s challenges, of which it sounds like you had many. I was talking to a friend today about playing the hand you’ve been dealt- you could spend your whole life bemoaning the crappy hand you’ve got, or you could play it the best you can.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your title drew me in because it resonated with me and what I wrote today regarding my relationship with my own mother. “It’s not my fault that I grew up without love” took my breath away. You are not alone and I appreciate a window into someone else’s difficult past. Thank you for sharing! I am looking forward to reading more about you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I also heard this BS growing up: “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” It’s reflective of white privileged and a rationale for the egregious inequality in our world. Certitude is dangerous. We can all rethink and learn. Now I’m off to listen to Bunny Wailer.

    Liked by 1 person

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